I'm sick of reading that ugly whats his face, from that band who's name I cant remember, going on about how he's going to marry Kate Moss and all that rubbish. Back off buddy - she's taken. You're a loser and I'm not even a little bit jealous of you. Anyway, I wrote a song for her ages ago before you even dreamed of being a dickhead, you dickhead. I'm gona sort out the chorus a bit, and record mine before you record yours, and its gonna be better, and Kate's gonna be in the video, and we're gonna go out, and fall in love, and get married, and live happily ever after, and have 3 more gorgeous kids, and, and, and,... Anyway, here it is:

I can't escape my fate,
I'm still in love with Kate.
My schoolboy super-model fantasy.

The only girl for me,
Since nineteen ninety three,
Though I couldn't claim to know her personally.

If we should ever meet,
I'd sweep her off her feet,
She'd fall for me just like I fell for she.

I'd ask her on a date,
And swear not to be late,
'Cos I don't think that Kate should wait for me.

-------------------------------
(Chorus)
Kate you're great.
Much better than my other mates.
They state you're fake,
But they don't make my heartstrings ache like you...
Do...
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Too famous for the pub,
We'd go to fancy clubs,
Where only ce-le-bre-ties are allowed.

They'd all watch me arrive,
With Katie by my side,
She's beautiful and I'd be very proud.

We'd stay out all night long,
Slow dancing to my song,
And laughing at the irony of fame.

Then back to an hotel,
Luxurious as hell,
To fill the bathtub up with good champagne

-------------------------------
Kate you're great.
Much better than my other mates.
They state you're fake,
But they don't make my heartstrings ache like you...
Do...
-------------------------------

Don't think I'm being bold,
But everyone grows old,
When she turns 50 I'll be 53

Though softer to the touch,
I'd love her just as much,
We'll find the way to age disgracefully

-------------------------------
Kate you're great.
Much better than my other mates.
For goodness sake
Don't you know you know that you're the one for me...
See...
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(copyright Ewan O'Brien 2004)